Grief and time........

I am not sold on the "time heals wounds" thing......I definitely think space heals wounds......the space between you and what brought the grief to your door.....that in that space, depending on what you do in that space, it can help to heal you.....but I do not think the passage of time alone is enough......I think often, that if I had made a few different different decisions, or didn't choose some of what I did, the passage of this past year plus, would not have brought me any closer to healing and moving through my grief.........and grief lives in the center of our chest anyway, right? I have had my fair share of things to grieve deeply over in this life.....I guess that is the price of loving people hard and deeply......and every time I have lost a person, either to death or other circumstances......the shadow of that grief lives inside of me, and still does, and likely will all of my days......it resides in the space in my chest, where if a certain conversation takes place, a certain set of circumstances, it can slip out some......tears can sting my eyes......something catches in my throat......and in an instance I am reminded of the pain that still lives within my soul......or in all of us right? We all carry those spaces within us......and we learn to live with them.......finding a better way for that grief to settle into us......letting it out........my blog has been a huge release valve for my grief.....I don't know where I would be, if all of this was still rattling around inside endlessly......if I didn't take the time to have it come out and be heard......even if only to me.......there is power in actively tackling our grief in this life.....and find ways to release all of it......running.......another release I have had.....letting it all lie on my treadmill.......because the truth is, grief that doesn't find a release becomes toxic to our beings......I truly believe that......that if a person doesn't work on it......just ramming around in it endlessly, it will eat at them in nearly every way......I do think the stages of grief take place on their own to some degree.....we all move through denial, bargaining, etc.........but eventually the acceptance part......not sure that comes without work.......and a willingness to work on that......therapy......daily habits.....all of it......so despite my active work in my own grief, I know that it still lives in the deepest parts of my heart and soul......that it runs like a river through me......and that I will carry portions of it with me always And sometimes I feel like grief is the proof that love exists.......without love there would be no grief.......and when grief touches our souls it is showing us that our heart held someone in a beautiful space in us......that we loved them......that they were a part of us......and that we need to learn to separate those parts and move along......and each time, some of that wound remains a part of us......getting into the fabric of who we are......and like a tapestry we carry all the colorful patches of love and loss with us......the grief I carry for my marriage and family......may never fully leave......much of its depth and pain however has been released out into the universe......not for me to carry any longer......and the residual parts that will remain.....will just be proof that I loved........and that grief is the price of love in this life.....it just is........