Yesterday was a lovely Thanksgiving........it was great to spend time with family and eat my favorite meal of the year:).........the kids had fun and it was kinda low key and chill......I am still full this morning lol:) Even though I only ate one plate, all those carbs though;-) but the truth is I needed the respite and levity of the day to be as it was.......I needed it to be that way to offer safe haven and respite from all I have been dealing with as of late......Have had quite a few big things step forward for me to carry.....and I am sorting through those things and laying down things that are not mine......and trying to manage it all......the holiday season brings grief with it too, and no place to put it......grief over so much......but also so much gratitude.......looking toward what is, every single day......that is the key right? Letting go of what isn't and embracing what is.......trusting that you are right where you are.....right in the very spot you belong every single minute.....that is a powerful shift......and I believe........I believe that as each day comes.......each lesson, each loss, each circumstance......that those things have come into my experience to propel me and move me to the places I belong, with the people that belong in my life........but sometimes the shear amount of heavy stuff to carry can threaten to overwhelm......and that is the signal to step back, regroup........shift the weight of what is being carried......I carry a lot of sadness and pain in my day to day.....I am not sure that people realize it always, and some of it is private for sure.......but I think it would surprise folks.....and I say that, not to garner pity, but to acknowledge it, and let everybody know that despite the outlook I have adopted, I still suffer too and it is all OK.....for all of us to be human, vulnerable, real, and raw........but that place is a place I won't choose to live......I don't want my children to feel that their mom was sad all the time.......or in a forever state of grief........or heavy.......and I don't think they will remember that about me.......it is because I choose to spend all of my energy and effort shifting that tide and doing anything and everything I can to feel good and happy in my day to day......healthy stuff......acknowledging that pain and honoring it, but not letting it settle in and take over my heart and mind and being.......again it is a choice.......a mindset shift......but I guess I mention it again now, because the last couple of weeks I have had stuff coming at me at a pretty rapid rate......really big heavy stuff and it is taking extra effort on my part to endure and to get myself back to those places I have created for myself......the places that soothe and heal......and give me great joy.....but the extra effort of it all won't deter me.......it will not knock me off my track.......it will just take added strength and willingness to endure......I am so grateful in my day to day for so much.......and have so many blessings amid all that pain and feel divinely protected and loved and protected in all of it.......the human spirit is magnificent truly.....I marvel at it all the time.....and watch it endure in people all around me despite their hardships.......it is so beautiful to witness.....in myself....... and in others each and every day:)
jperuso
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