Somewhere along this journey I have become MY person lol:) Weird but true....I rely heavily on myself, and my intuition and my own support to walk this journey....I know I can count on myself every day....not to let myself down.....to follow through on the promises I have made to myself, and doing everything in my power to not go back to the places in this life that have kept me stuck.....and are places I no longer want to be......and recently, just in time for the NEW year I had to break free from a situation, finally and fully.....admitting some truths to myself that were suddenly apparent but hadn't been to me.....or perhaps I hadn't wanted them to be.....clouded by old glasses some ;-) funny how that happens right....no matter how far we evolve or feel we do;-) or even carrying self awareness in tow, we can find ourselves in places that seem all too familiar....and I am giving myself some grace....the circumstances were not black and white.....not easy and it had many layers.....so it took some time for me to finally realize I needed to fully let it all go and move on.....and sometimes people just aren't who we think they are.....they just aren't....and maybe they even want to be.....who knows.....maybe they want to be who we believe they are, who they see we think they are..... and because of their own journey and demons they just can't be......but I am tired of being let down by people some in this life....that is honest.....it has happened so much in the last couple of years....and it makes me weary and question if I will ever find what I seek......because I can tell myself that "I got you"......I am there for others so readily too....nobody has to wonder if I have their back.....if I am being honest.....if I am going to show up as I have said I will.....none of it....I am right there.....so as I step boldly and freely into the New Year.....perhaps growing the most I have in awhile in the last couple of weeks....and finally pushing past some old patterns that have kept me stuck......it feels good to look in the mirror and tell myself "I got you girl" I will never betray this girl again, never.....never allow her to roam in places that are not good for her anymore.....places that don't honor the woman she has become.....places where her worth is not being recognized and respected.....never......and I have kept that promise to her mostly since the day my ex left.......I vowed that after he left and I meant it.....and I think it is where my hesitation in all things dating for real comes from.....a fierce protection of THIS woman.....the one I fought so freaking hard to be......clawing my way past old patterns, and pain, and suffering, and all of it to arrive here......more clear headed.....and honest with me.....and self aware of it all and ready to open myself up to dating and people.....like for real lol;) I tend to discount options if I don't see it going the distance, and that is stupid right lol:) First it doesn't leave room for me to be pleasantly surprised, or even give it a real chance.....and I realize I have not been fair in this part of my life, and it is time to be.....and I need not ever worry.....because I will never abandon myself again inside of a relationship.....never....and I will keep my standards high......and hold out......and never settle.....not ever again.....because I don't need to because being single is just fine too......I don't NEED anybody in my life.....that is true.....I would like somebody but there is no need in me.....and that has kept me wise in this part of my life.....but also stuck some......and also because I GOT me.....and that rings truer than ever as I sit here on the first morning of 2024:) Bring it, I am here for all of it!:). Happy NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jperuso
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