Both of my kids often wish their dad would come home.......that we would all live together again, so their time wasn't split between the two places......and it makes my heart hurt for them.......as that is impossible........but lately Mads has been bothered by the fact that nobody else's family at her school is divorced, and hearing them talk about their dads or seeing them with their dads hurts her heart.....however this year there is a new girl who also lives with just her mom.....and they were talking about it at school, Mads told me and another one of their friends said that that would never happen to her, because her dad loves her too much to leave.......ouch right:(. I know that that girl didn't mean it......she was probably a little scared herself about it and was processing it through the eyes of a child......but Mads piped right up and said it didn't have to do with how much her dad loves her......that it had to do with the issues between her mom and dad......so we had the chance to talk about it.....and really process it all.....I told her she was totally right......that her dad loves her very much.....and that it doesn't have to do with that fact......and that the other little girl was scared......and I was so proud of her......proud that she was talking to me about it, and proud she didn't automatically take on what that girl said, own it......hold onto it.....make it a part of her.....she immediately shrugged it off as non truth and moved on......willing to stand in the truth as she saw it......it is often hard to be the day in and day out parent in this story, the one that has to enforce the day to day stuff.....rules.....regular life......while they get to be two weekends a month into another place ,where they are the center of the show for those days...where it isn't so much like real life.....but I know that one day they will understand it all.....and understand the things I shield them from now.....staying my course with them as their safe place.....their constant.....their ride or die......devoting all of my life and time to them while they are with me......hiking.....spending time together.............and I am grateful they have fun on their visits too......I want that for them......to feel comfortable when I am not around......and again it is so hard for them to understand......just as it is for me......so I cannot expect them to. I just want to keep speaking to my children about all of the love they are surrounded by, and that this situation doesn't diminish that.......that they are fiercely loved each and every day!
jperuso
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