I marvel at the life Gabe has created for himself in high school.....it is so fun to watch.....and it has been entirely orchestrated by him.........He has joined every sport.....and loves them....and is in some shape now! :) I was noticing in the track pictures that he has muscles!!!! He does the elliptical at school too nearly every day, and works out with the football team sometimes........he texts his friends......he is really involved in our church youth group......band and chorus.......he does ALL the things......the "typical" teen things and there are not words really for how that warms my heart......when you have a special needs kiddo, your heart just wants them to have as a typical life as they can and be accepted.....whatever that looks like lol;-) do I even know anybody with a typical life! But you get the idea........and he is DOING IT!......he has more of a typical life than ever and is a celebrity at school......the kids love him and it is effortless........because the truth is sometimes I forget he can be a lot......his a lot is so deep in the fabric of who I am now that I don't even notice it.....and it has hurt me to see him mirrored in others opinions and reactions to him at times over the years......luckily not too often, but it has happened.....and again their reactions or lack of patience is a reflection of them not him........but it does require some patience and understanding to live in Gabe's world......and to be his mom........and I am here for it......there are times it is more challenging than others but being his mom is more of a joy than anything else......truly......so as he approaches adulthood, at a rapid rate I might add.....it becomes more complicated to think of how his life will play out.......and there are decisions that need to be made.....I need to be made his guardian to make some decisions for him long term....... and get him set up with what he will need beyond high school......and figure out what his best life looks like as an adult......and all of that......makes me want to crawl in bed under the covers;-) it is a lot to think of......and even more so now that I am alone in that.......so as I say all of that, these next words could type themselves;-)......I trust that it will all work out......as it has thus far......talk about another journey of my life.......the journey of Gabe and I has been an equal powerful one to the one I am walking now alongside that one.....and we have come SUCH a far way.......my intuition has always been good with him......I can feel him deeply and am connected to him in a way that I am not with any other person......even Mads......my connection to her is deep and intuitive too, but it is different.......it is hard to explain......with Gabe it is like the parts he has within his special needs that block full communication of what lies beneath, I have been granted a special backstage pass to as his mom......I used to wake up and open my eyes a few minutes before he would wake up and start crying when he was a baby......I can look at his face and tell a thousand things about what is going on.......and sometimes understand something he has to say without words.......because I have had to be so deeply in tune with him.......so as I watch him spread his wings some.....it feels so good to my mama heart......he also seems to be coming to some peace with the stuff related to our divorce and his dad not being here.......forever wanting a new one to live here......but really seems to be doing well with it all.......so that is all I can ask for right?? For my healthy, happy, and magical boy to be living his best life and showing others how to live theirs too:) He has been inspiring me and showing me the way for nearly 2 decades, and I will follow him and cheer his best life on all of my days from the front row! What a gift :)
jperuso
Comments