Gabe is a junior in high school.....and last night I sat at his chorus concert.....tears in my eyes.....and overwhelmed and touched by so much......I remember when he started chorus in middle school and it has a more formal vibe let us say....;-) and I was worried Gabe would not be able to do what was expected of him, and hold himself to that standard of self control during concerts.....but he did....and did it beautifully......and he won over the chorus director, and has enjoyed chorus so much......and watching him last night filled my heart.....and it hit me like a truck.....he is nearly a man.....like when did that happen?? When did my tiny blond curly haired boy grow up......??? It mystifies me.....and touches my heart....I was so filled with emotion....thinking of his senior year on the horizon....and feeling all of that....I guess you think your kids will stay small forever....and they don't.....and one day you look at them, and don't see the tiny people they once were....and it happens so quickly.....everybody says it but it is true......and as I was sitting there it brought some grief to the surface, about Gabe's dad and I.....and the fact that we don't share this stuff anymore...Individually enjoying our children, but never together.....no longer a space to talk to him about Gabe, and all he is doing and achieving....my heart ached a little.....you just never think.......and Gabe is absolutely thriving in high school.....scooping up all of the experiences at a feverish pace....reveling in all of it.....and I love that for him.....and watching him sing last night....adams apple so apparent....it hit me....and I am not sure I am ready for the next chapter of being his mom....and navigating it all alone....but that is the funny thing about life....it makes you ready whether you want to be or not:) So ready I will be....I was so touched too....they had alumni come up to sing a song that they always do....and Gabe clearly saw a girl he knew, and had liked, and the feeling was mutual.....and she and him smiled at one another so sweetly....and I could tell he could not wait to say hi after the performance....and i guess amid the rest of what I am feeling.....I am just feeling grateful....thinking of where my journey with Gabe began, and the tenuous nature of it all....and landing here....in a place where he is killing it....thriving in his life in all the ways he needs to be! But more importantly wants to be....So as much as I wish time would slow down, I know that that isn't possible.....so I just need to remain present soak up all the moments....every single one of them:) And that is what I will do!
jperuso
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