Have been thinking about this often recently related to life stuff.....and there is a big difference between knowing love exists for you in another person, vs feeling that love very clearly......in a real way......a way that feels palpable.....and we share so much love in our life right? If we are lucky............ we get to love our family........our parents.......our children......our spouses......our friends.......and others.......and some people are better at showing up and making you feel their love, vs just knowing about its existence......showing up for you in a way and making you feel that love in a real sense.....and I guess that is the love I seek......I knew that my ex husband loved me......but the feeling it part......particularly in the end was sometimes problematic......to have the rhetoric match the behavior......and sometimes it is in reverse.....sometimes the things people do for us make us understand their love, but the feeling of love is elusive.......it all made me think about love and its place in our lives in general......and the kind of love we want to give, and receive each and every day......we want our love of others to feel like a warm ray of sunshine on their face......a cup of coffee in the early morning.....a great song cranked up on the radio........a cozy sweatshirt on a fall day......a warm meal on a winter day.......a refuge amid the storm.......all of it.......when we commit our hearts to another, we want them to feel it with no uncertainty.......at least I do......I am very blessed to have had lots of love in my life.......in lots of different places......and different walks of my life......and I think part of it is because I am loving.....loving deeply........giving love freely.......when I love you, it is often forever.......unless something happens to change that.......but it needs to be profound......and life changing......catastrophic for a person to lose that love........all of it.......and even then.........my capacity to love is great and deep......I think that I realized that for the first time when my sister passed away, and my heart and soul felt so deeply wounded......and I could feel my soul take the hit.....and when other special family members died, and I felt that deep pain of loss.......and certainly at the end of my marriage.......and the loss of that literally ripping and tearing at my soul......so the price of loving is losing......it just is.....and when you put yourself out there, and your heart, not only do you want to feel the love another has for you......but you have to be willing to be vulnerable enough to lose too.......so moving forward I am looking for the kind of love that makes me FEEL loved in every single way, every day...........a love that sounds like love.....but feels like it too.....and as I have thought of all of this, I am reminded to do the same for the people in my life that I love.....being present in my love for them.....whatever kind of love that is......and making them feel it clearly......because at the end of the day love is what it is all about.....I am convinced of that......we are meant to love and care for each other deeply.....and make them feel that from us.......what a gift love is to our lives......even if it becomes lost.......it is always worth the ride!
jperuso
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