SO here is an interesting part of all of this......through most of my life I have had times in my life where I have leaned more toward anxiety.....more toward worry.......or more toward fearful thoughts in general...........all of which brought on by different things at different times in my life and for different reasons.............However I felt that the last 10 years things seemed quieter in that regard..................... until this past year.....the last year brought me MUCH worry, MUCH anxiety, MUCH unease, MUCH of SO MUCH............... I chalked it up to Covid, to our new world, which most certainly could have contributed, I mean it is a jungle out there;-) but after that infamous Thursday night in January.........in addition to my husband walking out that door.....some other things walked out with him...... fear and anxiety left with him.....like almost completely........Now considering outward appearances, my life should have gotten markedly scarier in my eyes after that night.....like terrifying in all the ways....I am on my own.....managing enormous grief, and the grief of my children.......navigating a roller coaster of a divorce.........with endless ups and downs, teaching during a pandemic.......with Covid looming heavily over all of it........learning a whole new way to live, with a wide open UNCERTAIN FUTURE...... and yet..........I am NOT anxious........NOT afraid.........like what????? SO it made me examine it, marvel at it, take a closer look at it.....and just be SO GRATEFUL FOR IT.........and I don't have an explanation fully......I have no explanation for the true PEACE that has found my heart and soul.....I do think the events of the last two plus years of my marriage set me on my pins.....made me feel unease......triggered the deepest parts of me, preventing me from finding peace.........but I do not think it is as simple as the absence of that.....I think it is deeper than that.......I think that the kind of peace I have found.....the kind of peace that carries a lack of fear and anxiety can only be found when you choose to stand in your truth......in ALL of it, the good the bad and the ugly......the honest.....and make no apologies for doing just that.........and not worry what anybody thinks of you.....just what you think of you........and as you stand in that truth.......the angst falls by the wayside.....the fear lets go......the anxiety calms........when you become certain of who you are.....what you are made of....what you are capable of.....what you believe in.....what your self worth means......you become fearless in all the best ways! FREE to experience this life without the waiting.....without the waiting for the next storm to come....without waiting for the other shoe to drop.......without waiting for something to make you happy.....without waiting for somebody to make you happy.....without waiting for anything because.................... "You had the power all along, my dear." I sure did and I am never forgetting again.....not ever........
jperuso
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