I never wanted to.....I did not want to fall victim to that grim divorce statistic we have in the world....I remember thinking of it and feeling hopeful it wouldn't happen to us.....I guess this comes to mind this week because my 15th wedding anniversary is Thursday.....ouch right? And ironically on a Thursday.......after that other Thursday.........we used to watch our wedding video and be humbled by all the marriages on the video that didn't last......and people that were no longer together......and somehow I thought we wouldn't join that club......and now I know you can find yourself here and not mean to.......to do all the things you know to do......all the things you think will save you from having to get a divorce and YET still be getting one........I was prepared to go the distance.....to honor the for better for worse.......sickness and health.....good with the bad......I really was.........and would have.......and you know what that was definitely not the healthiest thing for me to do......when your marriage gets lopsided.....too much giving on.a side....and too much taking on the other.....and you have tried it all......it is OK to leave........it is OK to let go.........maybe somebody reading this needs to hear this.......because maybe that person holds the divorce statistic with the same reverence I did, and maybe thinks they don't want to fall victim either........but sometimes....and maybe ALL of the time........love alone just isn't enough......I know my husband loves me.......even now I know that to be true........and I certainly loved him fiercely..........but that love wasn't strong enough or healthy enough to not find our way here.......and I know now it would have been OK for me to let go too.....to be the one to call it quits......but I never felt I could give myself permission to do that......and having it done for me let me find my way to the other side......the side where I understand how good marriages go bad.......great people change in ways that don't make sense....in ways that lead to the end........that nobody stands up on their wedding day hoping that one day they will be signing a divorce decree......or serving the person they were wildly in love with with divorce papers......not ever........everybody sets out with hope in their hearts.....the desire to make it work.....to defy the odds.......I know those people because I was one of them........he was one of them too........I am putting this out there to let people know that if it is in your heart, and you have tried all the things.....worked hard at your marriage.....and it is still bringing you pain or unhappiness.....unease......or a lack of peace.........it is OK to let go.......I don't bother thinking about what would have happened had I understood that sooner.....because my journey needed to play out exactly as it did.......exactly to the moment it came undone........but maybe somebody else is ready to hear this message.....and maybe it speaks to their heart.......it is OK to look out for yourself......your spirit.......your heart......your life too........it really is...........
jperuso
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