This has always resonated with me......this saying speaks to me......because truth is I often expect a lot out of my life.....I expect a lot from myself each day and in turn it translates to those around me......I hold a high standard in my mind for what I accomplish in my life and the day to day.......and as I travel this journey I am getting better at that.....at cutting myself some slack........and I am learning to ease those expectations......for myself and others.....but I have learned that through this situation it becomes even more crucial to let go of those expectations.....because each and every time I "expect" a reaction or maybe hope for the reaction I seek.....the one I think is correct, or healthy, or "right", and a different one comes it diminishes my joy.......and when will I learn? I mean really? Expecting a different result having witnessed past reaction and behavior may just very well be the most absurd thing I do........but yet I persist......keep looking, keep hoping, keep expecting that maybe just maybe this time.......and what comes to my mind each time is that expectation steals joy........it just does......standing on the other end of an interaction and imagining the result.......expecting the result.......and then it comes and falls flat, just leaves that space for disappointment.....for unnecessary suffering.....because guess what sometimes people are incapable of doing the things we need.....or the things we want......I am learning that......even if we think they should be capable of something......they just aren't.........so I need to keep reminding myself of another mantra......expect nothing (from people) and appreciate everything.......meeting people where they are even if it is not where we feel they should be may very well be a lesson in patience and acceptance......truly.......I am humbled daily by the lessons that have come from the carnage on that Thursday night in January........truly.......things I knew.....lessons I attempted to learn.....but didn't quite "get" and here they are coming into sharp focus......however learning and applying are different somehow.......so sometimes I feel the lesson.....let it get in and then when I am faced with applying it I forget and walk into an old trap, and think what am I doing? It is like this now? But then I learn......and I shift into understanding much quicker these days......don't wallow in the disappointment or the suffering.......dip my toe in, feel it, acknowledge it and move on.......I think so often we believe that people think or feel as we do......that people's understanding and inclination is our own......and that just isn't true.......so when we expect unspoken needs from others and they fall short, is it fair to hold them accountable? To feel disappointment and hurt.....if they don't know what we are looking for or expecting? I don't really feel it is......being softer with ourselves......and with each other seems to be a wiser approach......to live and let go......so I suppose due to my personality and core self I will continue to walk the line between expecting a lot out of my life and the people I choose to love, or be friends with, and hold a standard for that to some degree BUT........I will need to learn, more readily, to temper those expectations with grace.........with realistic parameters........with understanding that people are people......they function from the space they can......and they are not the same as me......they are not realizing what I am looking for always........and that that is OK.......because for me as I lay those expectations down.......put them away.....not hold them so tightly.......I will find more peace.....more joy........and that is the only expectation for myself, my life.......that really matters at all........every single day........fighting the good fight:)
jperuso
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