I did it! I spoke online and it felt amazing. I was a little rattled because the woman that went before me was a public speaker....truly, and extremely accomplished, and she was a tough act to follow;-) and I am for sure a rookie in this arena;-) .....However, I am SO proud of the message I delivered, and that I did not let my nerves show externally. And the confidence and courage I summoned to do it justice.......During it my heart was pounding and I was shaking some literally....so I wasn't sure when I watched it back if that would show, and when I watched it it didn't! I looked calm and pulled together lol:) I spoke from my heart again....choosing to let the words find me and what pieces of the story needed to be heard, and see the light of day.....and it all took care of itself....but every single time.....every one.....every opportunity that I get to speak my truth helps free up a space in me.....a release of sorts......leaving me lighter in its wake......and it becomes a way to reflect and see all that I left behind.....And as I come up on 3 years, which honestly feels like 30 years some days it feels like something, a lot of road in between......so hard to connect to the story before all of this happened......like some surreal dream.....a place that I can almost feel and remember.....but taking on that quality that happens when we awaken from a dream we almost remember.....flashes and feelings in bits coming to find us, but never actually being able to touch the full dream.....that is how I feel now.....and I am guessing that feeling comes from having changed so much since then.....and being put through so much that it would be hard to remember her......the woman that I was......and I guess what makes me think of it all is talking about her some yesterday.....remembering just how deeply committed she was to the fight to save it all.....just so so committed, to the detriment of every bit of HER.....allowing herself to slowly disintegrate under the weight of it all.....and feeling like if she saved her marriage and family that all of the suffering she was enduring would be worth it.....and as I shared my story yesterday and remembered that part......it strengthens my resolve to free other women.....a fire burning in my soul to show women it is OK to be seen and heard, to break free from things that are hurting you.....and to claim a place and a voice in their own lives......it truly is.....and I wish I had known sooner......but even with that awareness, I am never less grateful on any given day that I was gifted that understanding and awareness in this life....and freed from the chains that were keeping me stuck, and trapped and unhealthy in every single way.....so yesterday began my new path to my dreams.....full speed.......I can feel the momentum building and the confirmation in my soul, that this is exactly where I am supposed to be......exactly.....Amen:)
jperuso
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