I suppose there are people that go through divorce and it is kinda easy, not so painful...maybe they are both done with their marriage, or maybe they don't have kids, or maybe they never were really in love......not sure what it would have to look like to sail through divorce.........however I believe for the vast majority divorce is just brutal in nearly every way.......the fact that you have to begin to negotiate giant life stuff, like the care of your kids, with a person that has gone from "your person" in life to an opponent, is so so difficult......to navigate these waters while emotions run so high........to not be able to trust their judgement any longer and be left with not knowing what to do is beyond heartbreaking......I am grateful our financial web is not too extensive and there will not be too much to work out there.......and we have already settled some of it, the day to day......but the lack of access to another person's core self to work out all of the other things and to have a constant tone of turmoil at every turn is exhausting...........it depletes your soul, even if you fight as hard as you can to not let that happen.......it requires superhuman strength to rise above all of it and weed out all of the unnecessary places to expend your energy, and stick with the things that require your strength and attention.....I am writing this blog entry today as a sort of PSA.......to let anybody reading it know if you have somebody you love going through a divorce.....please be kind to them......please give them grace.......please give them support......please do all those things and more.......divorce alone is a full time job, let alone "NORMAL LIFE" stuff, whatever that is right;-) Just always be kind.......I know for me moving forward I will hold a special place in my heart for anybody that has to walk my journey....unfortunately the human condition is such that we can have empathy and compassion that only goes so far, only goes as far as feeling for a person but still having our own lives to lead....... until we walk the same path as another.....till their tragedy touches our lives......then in a moment we UNDERSTAND......we hook up to another's pain.....their pain our own.........and now I clearly know all the people that walked before me in this journey were warriors, that it took all their strength to find their way back.....to make their life whole again......I wish I had been more supportive of them, more understanding, more present for them.....I will do all of those things and more moving forward.....the term "walk a mile" is so so true........until you do it is so so hard to choose to try.......always try, always push yourself, always just always....be a beacon for another when their life is lost at sea.....I am committing to that.....we need to move beyond the "let me know if you need anythings" to the doing for others.....anytime I have just DONE something for another in their storm it has made the biggest difference......nobody wants to burden others or ask for help, if they can help it.......I have appreciated all the stuff that has been DONE for myself and my children during this time.....each and every kindness and kind deed has touched our hearts deeply........I appreciate all of you that are making yourselves beacons of light in my storm.....it will help me reach the other side.........thank you all........
jperuso
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