So.....I am proud of myself this morning.....it was indeed a hard thing for me.....good thing I can do those kinds of things:) I got to the restaurant a little early......and I sat down at our table, which had been under the matchmaker's name......and it was sort of in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the restaurant, and I wasn't sure how we were going to be able to talk etc because it was so loud and busy......but I trusted it. It was extremely anxiety provoking to be sitting there waiting for him to come, a stranger.....like a sitting duck in a true sense lol:) So I just waited trying to calm my nerves and not look terrified lol:) and soon the hostess walked him to our table.....I stood up and we introduced ourselves and smiled, and then sat down.....I was relieved, he seemed cute and pleasant, and had an open presence.....he tried right away to make me comfortable....he got huge points for that.....the first few minutes were rough.....like how do you start a conversation when you know really nothing about another person.....and it took a few minutes to get going.....but then we were off to the races.....lots of great conversation, shared interests, and laughing.....we laughed a lot.....and it continued throughout.....and I think the thing that is so hard for me when it comes to dating.....is it is such a judgey weird process at my age.....like when you are in your 20s you meet somebody naturally.....no pretense......no baggage.....none of it.......and you have the opportunity to get swept up, or not and it happens with a natural ease.....dating at my age pokes some stuff for me....like feeling like we are on display.....are we good enough? Likable enough? Put together enough? Funny enough? etc etc.......you get the idea.....because amid the conversation we absolutely were sizing each other up.....wondering is this worth our time to pursue, can we picture beyond tonight , another date with this person, etc......so it is hard to be really present, with all of that going on in the background.....I could feel him doing it to me and I was to him......and so we ended up getting kicked out of our table after a couple of hours because they needed it for a reservation lol, so he walked me to the parking garage I had parked in, and we hugged goodbye and had really a lovely time.....he was a complete gentleman and good human......and I am not sure how I feel about another date with him.....I had a strong sense that there wasn't much more chemistry beyond a friendship, but maybe chemistry doesn't happen like it does when you are young? I am not sure......I am usually in the camp that if it is there it shows up right away, that has always been my experience........but hard to say, this is all so new to me.....And he lives beyond Scranton, further than I thought, so logistics really likely wouldn't work so well either.....and I guess maybe it was kinda clear he wasn't my guy.....a great guy.....but something didn't feel quite right.........and so it was a solid and lovely experience and I am grateful to him, it felt safe and sweet, and everything I needed to put myself out there.....and I had such big intuitive feelings leading up to it, so I was kinda perplexed when it didn't go as I had imagined totally....but I think those feelings were propelling me into forcing myself to step out.....to take a chance......to actually go on a date finally.......and to begin this next chapter.....and to remain open about it all and not attach anything to it.....just enjoy it.....because there was a part of me, in the spirit of true transparency, that felt as I was driving home why bother? It all seems so exhausting to me.....dating over and over and getting to know people over and over.....and what I seek now, as this Jenn is a very particular man and vibe......and sometimes I feel like an alien in the dating pool.......like my vibe doesn't make sense there?? But I know that voice that was speaking to me on my way home was a liar:) I hate when she comes to tell me lies lol:) So I took a step back and appreciated it for what it was, and went to bed knowing that I was meant to have that date and step out and check off another hard thing on my list:) Thank you for every cheer and well wish, so sweet and much appreciated! :) Back in the pool;-) And for those that were curious about his healthcare background and own practice, he is a dentist! He complimented me on my teeth lol:)
jperuso
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