I just didn't realize she was at the time......One of the uglier parts of this story happened right after I found out about their affair for the second time.....I had caught it the first time on his phone......but as he continued his affair without my knowledge, she had given him a phone to use.....which I had mentioned many times over the two years....always wondering and worrying about that in the back of my mind.....so when I discovered their affair still existed.....an affair that supposedly had ended this time for real, she came to our home to retrieve the phone and caused a scene in my driveway.......the four of us were in the driveway.....he was playing basketball with Gabe and Mads.....I was sitting at our picnic table watching them.....it was the day after I had found out that their affair never ended....she had texted me......I had been up all night lying next to him.....wondering how on earth we were going to go on and pretty sure we wouldn't be able to.....I was despondent as I was sitting there watching my family......wondering if seeing us all together was short lived.....no way to make it last.......so when she pulled into our driveway.....my brain could not process it.....she got out and he walked over to her.....she was yelling and angry.....feeling taken advantage of.......hurt and used.......lied to, deceived......all the same things I felt.....she was asking for her phone.....he went to the shed to get it......he came back and and she was goading me.....trying to say mean things to provoke me.....which I refused to do.....my children were there.......I told her that....I wasn't doing any of this in front of our children......she kept at it......and then she began to say terrible things about him.....how selfish he is.....what a liar he is.....a narcissist.....only cares about himself.....and all the ugliness he had said to her about me during their affair....she was wild with rage....and the strange part was that although I was horrified that she was doing this in front of my children......I understood her pain.....I too had felt that pain, inflicted on me, by him......he was lying feverishly to us both for SO SO long......I would not have shown up at a person's house however.....but I understood the pain....after he finally got her to leave......we were all shaken up....made up a story to cover it with the kids.....and I remember playing her words about him in my mind......not allowing myself to believe them.....him telling me the scene she caused corroborated his story of why he wasn't able to end the affair sooner etc etc.....and that seeing her that way made it clear for him in front of our kids ......clear that he was done, it was unforgivable.....so that day ended up being one of the pillars of the reasons why I eventually decided to try again......but her words haunted me.....they were all true......or nearly all true......I should have listened to her that day.......asked him to leave......had him get in the car with her that day and spare myself all the hard work I did over the next few months till he left for good in January....and never looked back......I wonder sometimes if she ever thinks of those words.....and in her heart knows that she was spot on in her assessment of him.......and then somehow she forgot......as I so often did under his lies and convincing ways......despite how out of control her behavior seemed that day.....looking back there was a clarity of mind in what she was saying about him.....she got it totally.....as I do right now........I am sure these days she tries to think she is better than me....and what he did to her was not the same as what he did to me.....and that he would never do to her what he did to me........I tried to tell myself the same story.....but it just isn't true.....and truth is he doesn't deserve either of us after all he did......but that day she most certainly was right......and I should have listened........but I suppose we can only hear things when we are ready to receive them.....and that day I wasn't ready, quite yet, to let a life 20 years in the making go.......and the timeline that it played out in, I suppose was meant to play as it did.....but I will never forget that day and those words and the clarity in the chaos that I witnessed......she also needs to know I am CLEAR on who he turned out to be.....no confusion on my part.....I am not a threat to them in any way.....there is no way back for us......the guy capable of all of those things......not my guy......not even close.....I am so glad my self respect stepped forward soon after he left and said NO MORE.......what a gift......truly......grateful....and that self respect courses through my soul protecting me from it all:)
jperuso
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