Communication...............

Simple word but such an extremely important concept........It is such an important thing in terms of all of our relationships in this world........and is the thing that we build all the rest upon........I feel like communicating is one of my stronger skills overall.......I sure do a lot of it.....at work and in my personal life............I am normally clear and direct.......say what I mean.......mean what I say.......try and hear what someone else is saying and attempt to put myself in their shoes.....think of where their point of view is coming from...........I communicate well with written words and I am pretty sure in spoken language too......yet........I cannot for the life of me figure out how to effectively communicate with him.......and it is crucial to where we need to head as we travel this road.......and it is wildly frustrating........ during our marriage we had similar issues at times......communication breakdowns...........I felt like I said one thing or was intending to convey one thing and he said he heard another......and the words he would repeat back to me that he heard were not close to what I was trying to convey or what I said..........where does that come from??? and now text is the only way we are able to navigate anything but it is still me communicating, and still him not responding, or minimally responding, or not acknowledging due to whatever game his girlfriend is orchestrating and is playing at the time......it is maddening..........but it makes me wonder where communication skills come from? Are they learned.......modeled for us at some point.........or are we born with that sense.......that sense of words or conveying what we want to say........how we say it......and how we express ourselves???? I am not sure.......but it is most certainly a necessary skill to possess in the world and my not being able to communicate with him at the moment will not diminish my desire to communicate and my hope that whatever I convey makes it through despite the fact that it is not a reciprocal process at the moment............and I will keep trying.........I mean the truth is my ability to communicate the pain in my heart has saved me.......truly.......to have words find the feelings and pour out of my fingers daily heals me bit by bit.......piece by piece.......and I am always grateful I have been able to express myself through writing and talking.........and feel like I can convey what I am feeling or thinking in any given moment........and when I think of that fact it makes me feel compassionate for him........because I am not sure he has ever had that luxury......never had the luxury of feeling as if what he is feeling he is able to fully articulate or say out loud......not feeling comfortable enough to speak his truth.........always feeling misunderstood by everyone in his life.....not feeling heard.........it must be so hard to live that way.......so frustrating for him.........so any time I allow the madness to take hold I try and step back into my compassion and understand that all that madness comes from a broken spot........an unhealed place......a place of need and desire.........of brokenness......and instead of being angry or frustrated I end up feeling sorry that he cannot function in the world the way he wants to.......I believe I know his heart and I know that the way he is living at the moment is not of his deepest desire for himself.......in any way........and each night when I pray I pray that the lines of communication open........that I find the right words to touch his heart any time I need to reach out and that we are able to navigate our new normal much better than what is currently happening.........and endless prayer.......Lord hear my prayer..........