Boundaries........

SO these have never been my strong suit.....seems there are always blurry lines that follow me wherever I go.....I don't want people to be uncomfortable, I try not to make people feel bad if I can help it, I feel like I try and think of others before I act, and I definitely think of how my actions affect others....I truly try and be conscious of others as much as I can be......my lack of boundaries used to be way worse, and I have been learning to put them in place as I have journeyed.....but yeah I don't have a ton of boundaries in my life, and I certainly didn't in my marriage.......and I don't mean that in a bad way necessarily, or to say that I was walked on my entire marriage..... because I don't believe that was the overall tone....and there were many years that that was not the case......however as of late those blurry lines had definitely gotten hazier......much hazier......and in hindsight I definitely needed WAY more boundaries in my marriage than I had...so when your marriage without a ton of boundaries comes to a screeching halt, in a traumatizing fashion, and your relationship is transformed in an instant into a new relationship, it becomes clear that there needs to be boundaries put into place........it is beyond challenging.....but necessary for sure....so I am learning daily how to LAY THEM DOWN.....and pushing myself to do that and to see it more objectively wherever possible.....because nobody is going to put them in place for me......it is hard to clearly see where they should be because of our children and the issues that lie within......I am constantly second guessing my instincts, trying to see where the need for the boundary is coming from.....what emotional place?????? Discerning what is valid and and what is emotional storm induced............the kids are my number one priority, and their mental health is paramount to me above all else.....the challenge is that it is compounded by the fact that the person I am attempting to deal with is not behaving in a way that makes sense, or helps the situation very much at all, so those boundaries become even more important and need to be stronger and clearer.....I am also learning that I don't have to sacrifice every piece of me for everybody else, when those pieces are bringing me additional pain and suffering.....it is OK to see what I NEED in a situation and make that a priority too......a valuable lesson indeed.......so each day, even though it has been so challenging, I am learning how to protect myself and put clear lines down in the sand.......and send a message as to what I will deal with, and what I won't as we ride this roller coaster......it feels really good to learn how to do that. The new Jenn needs to have these boundaries in her new life moving forward.....to no longer listen to people's words....to watch their actions and have that tell me what I need to know about them and their intentions for me......better late than never.......