I stood in the shower yesterday morning, thinking as the water and soap ran down my body, that yesterday would likely be the day they called about my results.....and I stood in peace in that shower, knowing either way all would be OK.....trusting that if I was assigned another mountain, I would put on my hiking boots and climb it.......and I am not sure I can really explain how freeing that is for me.....a further freedom in my new life.....to have broken the chains of worry and fear and all the rest.....finally.........just knowing that whatever lies ahead is meant for me, and that I will be blessed with the resources and blessings needed to navigate it all......some how, some way........and not running with that anxiety narrative in the background helps you be in a much better mood.......I realize now that much of the agitation I used to feel at certain points, was from the weight of worry and anxiety and fear.....and the feeling that I had to keep everything together against all odds......and now I feel none of that.....so when my phone rang at work, before my students had arrived, I knew that the phone call could change everything......I had gone to the bathroom and saw I had missed the call.....always right lol;-) but the woman that left a message left me a direct line.....and I returned the call and verified my date of birth, and name, and then she said that my results were negative and that I could sigh with relief......and I did......despite my faith and trust, the sweet feeling of relief washed over me.....it felt so good.....and despite all of it and what I endured to get the biopsy, I don't regret knowing for sure.......I think being vigilant about our health is wise.....health is wealth......no question.....the most important asset we possess.......and truthfully had my results gone the other way, it would have messed with my mind some.....because I have NEVER felt HEALTHIER or STRONGER or more VITAL in all of my life.......I feel so good physically every day, and mentally too, and if I would have found out that I had something like that going on it would have been challenging to reconcile the two.....however it was also one of the things that kept me faithful and brave.....knowing that I am strong now in my mind, body, and spirit to wage whatever war I needed to:) so all is well, not going to war, and I am grateful......just grateful on repeat for all of the blessings in my new life..... and wildly excited for what is next! Looking forward to finally kicking my women's series off Monday and beginning that 8 week journey, and seizing whatever universal goodness comes my way! I have said it before- will again- and likely again and then again;-) I am a blessed human......every single day........no matter what......no question, Amen:). Happy Friday y'all!
jperuso
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