So yesterday I wore a bikini.....for the first time since my honeymoon.....after my honeymoon I had gotten pregnant with Gabe and well the rest is history.....and the thing is as women, we carry so much pressure.....or at least I did.....the beliefs I held inside of me.....the critical nature of my inner voice, the self limiting beliefs I held for years......thinking that things had to look or feel a certain way for me to do the things.....even wearing shorts.....I haven't worn those either since Gabe.....and the sad part is I should have......I should not have been SO hard on myself all these years....I mostly was in decent shape in my marriage....went through a few phases where I didn't feel that good in my skin but mostly it was OK.....so why couldn't I just wear the shorts?????.......or wear the bikini and not worry so much???.....and obviously now I workout 7 days a week.....and try my best to feel happy and healthy in my own skin.....and I put the work in, no doubt.......but it shouldn't have taken all that for me to find the confidence in myself.....feeling free enough to buy and wear the bathing suit I wanted to.....or throw on shorts when I was hot.......and as women we need to be easier on ourselves.....men don't carry that same weight at the pool or the beach......they just don't......and we shouldn't either......it has been on my bucket list for so long and to feel brave enough......and it is silly right? But it isn't silly to me.....it still took nerve for me to take my cover up off yesterday when we got to the pool......accept the parts of my body I still struggle to love, and to wear it and enjoy myself without feeling self conscious........it is so hard and old habits die hard.......I am trying......I really am.....to finally accept my body and to feel free.....to speak kindly in my head, to give myself grace......to do all of those things and more.....I can be my own worst enemy, no doubt.....I am hard on myself, in almost every single way.....and hold myself to a ridiculous standard sometimes in certain areas of my life....but I have really worked on that this year too and am releasing the pressure......being kinder.....being less critical.......all of it......and the sad part is most of us are so much more critical of ourselves than we are on others......and give grace and room to those around us, while beating ourselves up.......and why?? Why do we do that? I think being critical in any sense just has to go........I am trying these days to take off my critical hat and just give the benefit of the doubt......assume that people are trying their best.....assuming that people mean well.......assume that people are doing what they can......and if I start to get into the criticizing spot either of myself or others, I take a step back and remind myself to not assume a thing.....to believe in the best......I wish I had done it sooner in my life.....it would have helped me wear a bikini sooner if I wanted to......put on shorts.......not worry or care so much about how it felt or looked and just accepted myself for where I was......so if you are reading this and struggle in these ways......find a way to love yourself right now......or put loving things in your life that help you get there......consistency is king......no doubt.......being consistent gets you to the places where you want to be, I promise......but accepting ourselves wherever we are and finding a way to love ourselves as we are is maybe the greatest gift we can give ourselves......and I am learning every single day how to be better at doing just that:)
jperuso
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