One of the stranger parts of this story is that the other woman hates me.....like truly hates me.......and has since the moment she began sleeping with my husband? It has been a strange thing for me.....I can look back on my life and see that being hated hasn't been a predominant theme.....I sort of always try to steer clear of hate worthy actions;-).....I am sure I have been though, or maybe now I am, some undercover haters.....but in terms of anything I had control over, or outward hate toward me........yeah none that I can think of.......so to be hated by the woman that contributed to the destruction of my family and of my marriage, is something that is super hard to wrap my head around....confusing in all the ways................the truth is she doesn't even know me? She only knows the fairytales my husband spun in her direction.....the endless lies.....the ones that all cheaters tell to make their affair make sense....to justify it......always painting their spouse in the most unattractive light.....and spinning all the deception they can to achieve their goal of having an affair, and making it seem OK.....making their spouse seem like an awful person so that those having the affair don't have to feel that bad......like it is "justified" in some way.....when in reality it never is......it just never is.....no matter what..........so even if the stuff he told her were true....which it wasn't......(he told me what he had told her)......it still would not be grounds for her to hate me.....the things he said had nothing to do with her...???? and as our path has unfolded in interacting with one another, I have never done anything to her that would warrant her feelings.....never going after her.....only defending myself when it was the other way around.......In fact the first time I discovered her, I was extremely gracious and kind when we had spoken on the phone....almost feeling sorry for her.....believing that she had gotten caught up in something that she did not mean to......as time as gone on I have learned otherwise....but still at no point have I made her life uncomfortable in any way....just stepping aside, so she can claim her "prize" and move on with their story.....I am aware that my blog doesn't sit well with her, but even that has not featured her too often....it is mostly about my story, my marriage......MY LIFE........ and I didn't ask her to be a part of my story....she decided she was going to be? SO again confusing.........I didn't invite her into all of this........she chose it....and here she is.....so I often wonder what it is about me that provokes such strong feelings in her.....a woman she knows nothing about......one she hasn't interacted with much at all......one that has just graciously stepped aside so she could take her husband.......it is most curious.......I don't know if she hates that I didn't crawl into a hole somewhere and disappear........that I wasn't destroyed by what they did to me???........or that I decided to own my journey publicly, not shying away from the ugly truth???.....or that I am truly enjoying my life and finding joy.....and that I don't really care that she is with my husband?????......because he is not a man I would want any longer based on who I discovered him to be?.......or maybe she hates me because I don't allow her hatred of me impact me in any real way......except to marvel at it?.....but other than that it isn't a part of my story at all............or maybe she just hates that I exist at all....that my existence.....the "soon to be ex wife"......tends to create difficulty for the "other woman" forever......it is just not a smooth dynamic.....not a happily ever after sort of thing......I likely remind her of what he is capable of.......and that is probably not easy for her.......or maybe she hates what part of this story she is featured in....and the fact that she will have to live with it all forever too.......not sure????.....and her motivation to hate me doesn't need to make sense.....just as his leaving doesn't have to.....there only needs to be an acceptance of what is.....I have accepted that I need to be the villain in her story, and in his..... so she can justify what she has done to me....and so can he.......that if I am not the bad guy then the responsibility falls on them....which neither of them can accept or face.....at this moment in time anyway.....so in the meantime I am plenty strong enough to play the "bad guy" in their version of reality....but what I really want her to know is there is a part of me that is grateful to her......because without her I would not get to live the life I am living.....that by her entering our marriage I was FREED...... freed from looking over my shoulder forever.....living in lack of trust....(which is pure torture)..............freed from dealing with stuff I never wanted to all of my days...........freed from trying so hard to save somebody..... and loving somebody more than they were loving themselves......freed from just trying so damn hard for something that was never going to be right.....so a part of me is grateful she exists........But I would be lying if I said I don't have some strong feelings about her sometimes......I am human after all.........but they are ones that feel justified based on actual actions.....but still my goal is to always find my higher self and not get caught up in her at all.....the lion's share of responsibility for what has happened lies with him......his choices.....he invited her into our lives........I hope someday she examines her hate.....and realizes that it poisons nobody but her....and that it is really misguided and misplaced.....and that if we actually sat and talked she might be surprised on what I would have to say and what things she doesn't know about......but if she never does that it is her journey.....her choices......her path that lead her where she is.....just as mine is my own.........I don't deserve her hate.....I really don't.......but that has been the theme....many things that have come to find me haven't felt deserved......except for the exciting, joyful, and peaceful life I have found while she has been busy hating me:)......that feels like it is fair indeed;-).....As for me I won't hold hate in my heart toward any of it.....it is a burden too heavy to carry....and it won't change a thing.....my energy is best used creating my new story.....and my new life:)
jperuso
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