When you are young it is hard to know who you are......you are trying to find your way in the world, maybe your person, and make a living and decide what direction you want to go in.....As you age most of the time the extraneous things get settled to some degree and you find out more about WHO YOU ARE.....or WHO YOU want to be in this world......The amount of growth I have felt in myself in the last 11 weeks is truly remarkable to me.....I marvel at its power......I have learned so much......I have learned I am much stronger than I ever thought I could be......I have learned that I CAN and I WILL do hard things each and every day.....I have learned that I can trust myself in every single way......that I show up for myself each day to meet the day and try harder than I did the day before........I learned that my love was deep for my person just as I had always known, and that the breaking of that beautiful love is excruciating in nearly every way.........I have learned there are so many things I can do ALL BY MYSELF, I have always felt independent in my life, but these days I feel like a warrior prepared for whatever is thrown in my direction..........I have learned that self care is no longer optional, it must remain a constant in my life all of my days.....it is like food and water for my soul.....I learned that I wasn't putting myself in the pecking order enough at all.....and the backseat worked for me....never again.......I learned that my family and friends are some of the best around and that their love and support gives me strength and hope each and every day.........I have learned that my kids are even more resilient and amazing than I had ever thought......that they are all I need on any given day, and their presence in my life is never taken for granted.......I have learned that when the worst thing happened, the worst thing I could imagine............the thing I truly wished would never have ever happened......I SURVIVED......but more than that I THRIVED........that is something for sure.....I have learned I can be proud of myself each and every day as I walk this process, and be mindful of the decisions I have made........and I don't have to live in regret if I catch myself before I slide down a rabbit hole........or before I get caught in a storm that is not mine........I have learned not to give into myself and just react.......I have learned that my new life has come at such a high price but it is a treasure, and someday I will say it was worth the price I paid to get it......I have learned people are on their own journeys and love alone isn't enough to save them.......it just isn't........but love is still worth it..........I have learned that you can still love others fiercely and understand with all that you are that they are not for you anymore.......I have learned you can live with a broken heart.....really live..........I have learned that faith and gratitude are even more valuable than I had thought.......but maybe most of all......I have learned that even though my marriage did not work out as I had hoped.....and has had to end......I am not sorry about any of it......every minute of the last 20 years was worth it......it was a passageway to right here.......this blessed spot I am now living in and for that I will always be grateful......just so so grateful.......
jperuso
Comments