I am strong......but I am tired......I feel like I have been under attack for the last few years on and off, and this morning it feels heavy......when my world imploded there were so many battles in the aftermath and skirmishes......and I had to be ready and prepared for them all.....and then as the battles settled and the new normal took hold......they come less and less, but I always need to be prepared to go into battle if I need to........and since then some other battles have come to find me......out of the blue.....ones that don't belong to me.....ones that are not fair......just like when my world came crashing down......and I have talked many times about laying the concept of fair down......is there such a thing? Is life fair? It just isn't........but I feel as of late I have been in an active fire fight in all directions.......and it makes me feel very alone at times.......reminding me that ultimately my life is my own......and I am on my own in this life.......I can have friends and family around.......but your life is your life......and when you stand for what is right, and stand in your truth, sometimes that leaves you standing on that hill all alone......with nobody to understand or really get you........and it feels like a lot.......the energy out there in the universe is for sure palpable this week.....the planets must be so active.......I can feel it......all the political energy amping up too......that is an energy I try my best to stay completely out of.......and these battles that keep coming are not invited......I am not asking for them.......looking for them........causing them......but they are finding me.....and in my response to them, it is requiring so much of me......of my heart and soul.......so I am mindful of the price.......hoping for things to settle again into a familiar rhythm......grateful I have been consistent about filling my cup......having reserves on hand to withstand it all......I have been through so much......a fact I don't dwell on often, but one that when it makes its presence known......takes my breath away.........betrayed so many times........on repeat......... from so many places......and misunderstood in others.......and I say none of this to evoke pity, or to lament about my life.......Make no mistake.....I love my life......and have fought like hell for it......I am still wildly excited about my future and ready for my next chapter.......I just share this as a part of the journey......a stop along the way.......the place I currently occupy in this story........and battle fatigue has set in some......my sword feels heavy......alongside my heart.........
jperuso
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