So since I have been thrust into this journey......through infidelity and what will be my eventual divorce I have observed some things.......I have heard other's stories......heard their accounts of their aftermath.......read countless posts on message boards......and on social media places.....and there is a predominant feeling of shame and secrecy that sort of runs through this for people.....their not wanting to share because they feel that they are to blame somehow....or feel ashamed by what has happened.....or that folks may think something about them and their lives......and I can totally relate to that......three years ago when I first learned of his affair I only confided in a few people for the same reasons......feeling all those things and more......and in that space there wasn't room for feeling good or exploring my heart's desires....or focusing too much on me at all......I was surviving in shame and secrecy.....and I see others struggle with that, or descend into drugs, alcohol......food.......relationships.......promiscuity....any and all self destructive ways to cope with what has happened.....and it can be easy to do......I am not judging anybody's journey at all......want to make that clear........but having been in that dark spot of shame and humiliation, and then in the spot I was in when he finally left I learned something......by the time he did walk out the door I knew what he had done truly HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ME......that was an enormous gift I was given to know that with certainty......and gave me the permission I needed to move forward as I have........we had spent three years in counseling......I had done every single thing I could do and yet he continued his affair and left......so in that space I didn't sink into the self destructive.....self loathing place......the insecure space......the unsure space......instead I dove head first into the things that made me feel better about myself......blogging......exercising........being there for my children in their pain and grief....taking great care of myself...hiking......being mindful of my day.......and finally now meditating and journaling.......and as I built more self esteem in those activities, I felt better.......I think what happens for people is they pile on the things in their lives when they feel broken, that make them feel more broken......and that make them feel worse about themselves.....and as those things pile up they begin to drown.....prolonging healing......prolonging moving forward.....or maybe never finding their way forward.....and I think it is a crucial piece of this.......and that the understanding that another person's actions are their own.....and that when you choose to have an affair that is a choice that is yours and yours alone......and that it isn't tied to another's self worth.......I feel like this may be a part of my mission in this life....to raise the awareness of this and empower others to do things in their lives after being touched by this horror, that raise them up.....that build self esteem.....that help them find their own power.....their voice......and make them whole.......I feel super passionate about this.....and that this is where people's power lies......in the things they can control in their lives......really on any given day.....trauma or no trauma......placing intentional things in their day to day that add value and help them feel better in their own skin.......and as that process of true self esteem and self love occurs those things spill over into all other areas.......like a beautiful river running through every part of our lives......infecting it all with beauty and wonder.....what a gift......I am not sure what beautiful and invisible force prompted me to dive into what I have, God most certainly was walking alongside my every step, this I know........ but I most definitely plan on paying it forward and sharing it with others:)
jperuso
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