Adventures............

In my old life I felt so much more tired......like really tired.....and older.......I was willing to plan things for us to do, and do them, but not as endlessly as I am willing now....... because my soul felt heavy......and it felt harder to do......but yet I persisted.....taking the kids places, and doing things with the kids as much as I could......it was mostly them and I......adventuring......more our thing than his......and so now I am prepared to do that on repeat forever......and it occurs to me that it is a good thing that I feel comfortable having adventures alone with my kids......because it is what it is going to take....right? It is just us......and I am OK with it......one day we will conquer vacation on our own.....which will feel weird I am sure, and like an accomplishment......but when the time comes I will be ready.....today I decided I am taking them to the ocean for the day......it is supposed to be beautiful out there, and we could all use some vitamin sea:) But in the deciding to do it, it made me think of all the moms......and some dads out there.....that forge along with their kids and do the things......because their reality looks like mine......and that it is not easy......and when the four of us went somewhere it was such a treasure to me......my favorite times...........in thinking of it it made me wonder why he didn't like to adventure as much as we did......I never figured out the root of that....but it always made me sad for him......the reluctance he felt in all of that.......not to say he didn't enjoy stuff when we did it, don't misunderstand.....but doing "stuff" was not his inclination in our lives.....and it didn't fill him up in the same ways it did me.....planning adventures for the kids not his wheelhouse.....so these days we hike......we "do stuff".....we make plans..........and I am grateful I feel fine doing it on my own.....but more importantly that I am free to do it all......nothing left holding me back......or making me feel depleted in any way.......I definitely held back before in what I wanted to do because of him and the way it was.......However I can also be a homebody too, and he could be too, so that part of our lives suited us......being home with my family always filled me up too........but these days I do feel much more adventure stirring in my soul......carpe diem baby:) It makes me happy that when I am old and grayer;-) my kids will remember their mom doing stuff with them all the time......adventuring, and maybe I will impart an adventurous spirit in them....and help them realize it doesn't have to cost a thing to feel filled up.....to seize nature and enjoy what is found there......amid the trees......by a creek.......climbing rocks.......in the sunshine......the fresh air......by a lake......or at the ocean.......or really anywhere where you are present and mindful of what is unfolding in front of you......no amusement parks necessary really at all.........I want them to feel presence in their lives.....to feel the peace that that brings in life......to savor a moment......an experience.....an adventure........and to view life as a grand adventure.....because in fact it is;0)