I have always thought that that saying was true. Have felt it before......but am now experiencing a clear "absence" of that notion in my life.......I do not think it is because I don't love my husband, because I do, and always will.......I do not think it is because there are not pieces of my life with him that I miss, that there are not pieces of my little family that I miss so very much.......I think the absence of feeling this way is because I have created a life, since he's been gone, that is filling me up , fulfilling me, and bringing peace to my life in a way I only dreamed of.......a life by MY design......a life I am proud of, that feels good, that gives me what I need in every way........almost every way......but so darn close........and I know it will as I continue to navigate it and choose what comes in, what stays, and what goes..........and the idea of surrendering that again for anybody, including him, is just not an option.........anymore.......it is funny the things that come into a marriage between two people.....and as those things come in and put their feet up on the coffee table......you don't realize they will stay, or overstay their welcome.....you think you will ask them to leave, but then you don't........and as those things come to stay you get used to them living there, crashing on your couch......your comfort level expanding to accept it......to allow it, to let it be there........and maybe sometimes you think that you should ask that "couch surfer" to leave, maybe find somewhere else to be......but before you know it you get used to having them around, they become the fabric of your life.......having them stay...... accepting them in, and your comfort level expands......I feel like through the years we allowed more than a few of those things come in and stay, get comfortable.....got used to them being a part of our lives.......and now that all of them are gone.........all of them finding another place to be.......the absence I am feeling, that is creating fondness, is the peace that has been replaced by those things no longer finding a home in my home........peace is now my priority.......not worrying about another person and trying to manage all that lied within.......it is so lovely to have found that space......where the absence doesn't have to hurt in the same way.....that I am not pining away for the return of another......that I am just allowing myself to be.....and appreciate what was left in that space........there are things I may miss for the rest of my life, truly......and ways this will hit me forever that will cause pain and remembering........but the fondness I am feeling is not for the "absent" one.......it is for the one that is "present" here each and every day.....
jperuso
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