I feel as if in my old life there were times I was moving along on cruise control.......the vehicle I was in sort of moving along and my being conscious to some degree as to the direction, or where I wanted to go, and even some planning of stops but much of it on autopilot or cruise control........however these days I am choosing to live my life with intention......making mindful decisions in my day to day. Experiencing the day in a more present way.........Since this has happened my whole being and my experience in the world has SLOWED DOWN.......and I can really hear all the things going on around me and it has made me be really still and mindful of what I want in my life and what I don't. It feels good to have the noise slip away and for my presence of mind to return fully......I can really focus on my life in a new way with what has happened in terms of being this intentional. I sort of felt at first it was a trauma response, like perhaps after the dust had settled and I started to move forward, the mindfulness may slip away again, elude me.......but it hasn't.......I have been able to remain present in my present every moment.....and mindfulness is a beautiful gift.......it has been a real goal of mine my whole life and has seemed so hard to attain. Due in part to my brain and all that goes on in it.....it can be a hectic place, full of figuring out, of thinking, about something, about everything, about all of it at nearly every turn. It is sort of like Grand Central Station up there, lots of hustle and bustle......but even though it can be like that.....and even though many days it is noisier than I wish it was.......my presence of mind in the moments of my life have remained......taking the time to smell the flowers, see the sunshine, let it wash over me and breathe it in.......I am mindful of my interactions with others and choose my words carefully making each one count......and have them come from a source of intention.......and I hope I can maintain this for the rest of my life.....today I am beginning morning meditation.......every single day.......I have wanted to incorporate it in to my life for a long time and have been able to for short amounts of time, but never for any length of time that yielded results...... but I am committed today to begin each and every morning. I am so excited, because in reading of the benefits of such a practice, every day, with intention, it should absolutely make my journey even better......I am so proud of the things I have done to get here......of the hard psychological work I have done to bring more wholeness back to my heart and soul and heal........and every single decision I make is to that end......with that goal in mind......the goal to heal and move forward and not carry weight forever......my blog being one of the vehicles to do just that. As I type this I wonder if my blog has helped with mindfulness.....because it is something that allows me to describe where I am at any given point in my mind, and in that awareness comes stillness to some degree......interesting thought as I write this........I feel if we all decided to become more mindful in our day to day, and in our life the world would most certainly be a better place.....there would not be so many people harmed by others lack of awareness, or by others impulsive behavior, and we could all trust ourselves and the decisions we make in our day to day......I know for me I am going to hold onto the new stillness I have in my soul like it is a life raft in the ocean, and fight getting caught up in the speed of life ever again.......I saw this quote and I felt like it was perfect....." Every one of us already has the seed of mindfulness......The practice is to cultivate it." I plan on continuing to do just that:)
jperuso
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