Where my givers at?? Takers? ;-) I had another epiphany of sorts recently.....I think the world is mostly comprised of givers and the takers.......and often times a giver finds a taker and falls in love with them.......opposites attract ya know;-) and then the giver gets to the business of giving.......and giving.......and giving.......and maybe the taker initially pretends to be more giving than they really are......but cannot keep it up long term, and as the beginning flows into long term stuff the taker just starts taking......more and more.....not giving much at all anymore........shamelessly taking everything their giver has to give.....and then the giver starts to feel that.....the absence of all the stuff the giver thought they saw in the beginning in that person........and thinks if they give harder....or love harder.....the other person will too.....and sadly that is never what happens..............instead the giver starts to feel depleted......resentful.....sad......confused........taken for granted.....not appreciated.....feeling as if none of their needs are met, or really even considered, and everything has become about the taker......and for awhile the giver can derive pleasure from the giving......because they actually enjoy it and enjoy seeing their person delighted or happy......but eventually that is not enough either........and I have spent a good portion of my life in this dynamic......I am the giver, and have found people willing to take what I have to give.....inside of committed relationships.....I do not mean casually......I am never casual about what I have to give:) I reserve it for those people that have earned my love.....my respect, all of it....but somewhere it always goes awry......and so as that occurred to me, what also occurred to me is that it must be magical when a giver finds another giver:) Like a collision of magic.....a feeling of being poured into....and pouring into another.....neither feeling depleted.....just forever full, and sharing the "giving load".....because being the sole giver in a relationship is so taxing......just so taxing.....so to imagine a person picking up their slack and giving in the ways that you give....well that sounds like heaven lol:) I guess this is on the wings of the "I deserve more" blog.....been thinking of all of that as of late....seeking what I deserve after all I have had to endure up till now..........And really I know it may sound otherwise, but I am not judging the takers....they are wired differently than the givers.....they are who they are too.........they have a natural propensity toward seeing a situation, one that would serve them and going after it....I am not sure it is even conscious for all of them....maybe for some.....maybe some of them come knowing they will manipulate the situation and take what they can......but perhaps for others it just IS them.....coming by it honestly.....like a love of music....or art.....or maybe what is worse, is that they never had a role model in their life that showed them what giving looks like.....causing them to default to survival and taking??? Perhaps......I don't want to dive too deeply into the psychological rabbit hole.....but I for sure feel there are reasons why somebody would not be as giving as another.......and not be able to give to the people that they love fully........my giving nature......especially inside of love, I believe is one of the better qualities I carry......however it has been both a blessing and a curse at times for obvious reasons....but it comes from an extremely good and loving place inside of me......I delight in giving to those I love.....I mean that so deeply....I love to find ways to make people feel loved and cared for....and I do not think that that is a bad thing.....but it is a thing that has kept me stuck in the past......in the places not meant for me....and it is the thing that has caused me to sacrifice my own needs at certain points.....and I am learning to temper that part of me......and getting so much better at that.......so my wish one day is to be able to be myself.......giving freely.....and feeling the same in return....the giver meeting the giver, never feeling an empty cup.......just feeling it runneth over, as I fill the other person's cup too:) Sounds amazing, can't wait;-) Happy Saturday y'all:)
jperuso
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