I have always put a lot of pressure on myself....since I can remember....to keep all the balls above my head in the air....and I don't give myself outs, and make excuses for myself when I can help it.....I own my stuff, or try to.....and these days just hope to learn from it all....I have an ever growing calendar spinning in my head....and sometimes stuff gets through....and in the last couple of years....I have been able to rely on Gabe to keep me informed.....ahead of time for whatever he has coming up.....and he normally lets me know days in advance and keeps reminding me daily of whatever it is....last week he had his band and chorus benefit concert....and it was lovely....a terrific concert...... so I was not expecting another concert so soon.....and yesterday morning as he was leaving for his bus he casually tells me he has his band concert last night!!!!! He also had fit club and was staying after.....so we got home around 5 and I got dinner ready....then went to go look for his black attire and help him get what he needed to wear to get ready....and realized his concert outfit from last week never made it into the wash this weekend..... :( So we scrambled for plan b and it was his black suit....which is too small now.....the pants way too short.....so we could not find one thing that would have been suitable for him to go in.....and in that moment I felt defeated....and terrible....and had to surrender to it.....I will have to email his teacher this morning and explain....and be much better prepared next time....and I was beating myself up last night....because I normally find a way no matter what....but there was no way I felt I could send him in what we had to bring....and he has another couple of concerts coming up too which is good.....and it is part of what I have been swimming in as of late....just so many deadlines...and things to remember....and still feeling really plagued by the time change, and tired, and it wreaking a little havoc on my flow......so Gabe was OK with it all too....he was tired from the day too and had woken up early....and when I went to check on him and say goodnight....he was out cold by 7:15 anyway.....so maybe he needed rest too....and the reality of it is sometimes it just is......and he also had a little sore throat last night:( So hoping he is warding it all off......although he just called down to tell me it is pretty sore this morning:(......... So maybe it was all a blessing in disguise.....I have come to trust that stuff now....when things don't come together....it might be meant to be like that.....and last night was one such night.....so I am breathing deeply this morning.....regrouping....and ready to face a new day.....with new things and new deadlines....and try and meet them one at a time....keeping all the balls juggling above my head! Offering myself some grace for keeping it all together alone and doing the best I can and looks like another day without pay is in my future today....he just said his throat hurts enough to not go to school, and he loves school and never wants to miss:( Happy Tuesday! Just keep swimming!
jperuso
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