Awhile ago I wrote about a call back from my mammogram.......I needed to return this past week for a three month follow up and the findings on the radiology report were benign looking......but this time I found out they have been watching calcifications on my left side.....and I was sorta frustrated because they hadn't mentioned that before?????.....despite my attempts to get a clear explanation as to why they were monitoring me this way now......and it was explained in a different way the last time I spoke with somebody?......so as soon as I heard that I told the nurse that even though they found them to be benign, I wanted a biopsy......my mom had had calcifications in her 40s and subsequent breast cancer, and I am not interested in waiting another 6 months.....so I go next week to a surgeon to meet, then schedule the biopsy.....and intuitively I feel good about it all, I really do....... but what struck me is the newfound freedom I have in this life from worry or fear......in my old life I was hanging on so tightly to things that gave me cause for such worry and anxiety......feeling unsafe a lot.......just so unsteady in so many areas of life.....and in my new life I have learned in the power of the letting go......my razor wire analogy......that when we suffer or are suffering because of a specific situation we need to take a look at how tightly we are holding on........are your hands bleeding?? holding on to an outcome......to what will happen.....to all of it......and when we surrender those things and let things be as they are......trusting the outcome.......our hands no longer bleed and we become free......and I truly feel totally calm and peaceful about this upcoming biopsy, no matter the outcome......I am so committed to my journey now.......believe in it so deeply......and have deepened my faith in such a way, that I am free........free from the outcome......knowing whatever happens it is for the greater good, it is to assist me in the ways I need to to walk the path I am on......and I am not worried.......being free of worry in this life is perhaps the greatest gift I have been given.......I very rarely get caught in the snag these days....and if I do I am able to free myself pretty quickly and default to my faith and trusting it all.........I feel like maybe the doctor thinks I may be being overly cautious, but I am not sure you can be in a situation based on this, based on the history and the fact that I got places to go and things to do and no time for that sorta thing;-) Being proactive has been a deep part of me forever.....it used to come partially from a place of fear......like maybe preventing disaster.....but this time it comes from a different place.....a wiser place......a calmer place......a place that says here we are......let's be sure it is all good.....and then let's keep on keeping on.....it is well with my soul in the face of this and I am so so grateful about that......just trusting it all.......
jperuso
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