Have been reflecting on the last few months a lot these days.......and know that the passage of time does help all the things that hurt us deeply.....it helps the sting, it creates space for healing and moving forward......it is a gift to us during the most difficult times of our lives......and it got me to wondering what it is about the passage of time that feels healing to our trauma........is it the distance from the event or is it what occurs in the time that elapses that matters......I am thinking it is the latter......if I had just taken to bed the last four months and not done any of what I have done to heal I am not sure the passage of time would have solved my heartache......made any of my pain better......so I am guessing it is both......the elapsing of time and the space time allows for us to travel......Time has always come to the rescue for me......I remember it being so important after I lost my sister too......those early days and months were just brutal and as time started to pass it eased some.......took some of the sting out of it all......lessened the intensity......but it may also be our concept of time in our minds.....the way that we experience its passage. How it creates a dream like quality to some of our experiences and trauma.......making them fade and become less stark and real. In the early days of this, getting through a day was challenging.......sometimes my ability to cope was minute to minute.......could not take on any length of a time at a time......felt despondent and lost.......and slowly as the days began to string together and the shock started to wear off I could take on more and more time during my day......owning it once again.....choosing the space instead of just existing in the space of the day......and now my tolerance has increased again to whole days strung together or weeks before something trips me up......and each milestone is bringing me closer and closer to traveling back up on the road freely.......to living in my life without this playing as the soundtrack in the background......because I won't allow it to be that......to define who I am for the rest of my life......to define the space that exists now......the time that stretches out before me.......because time is precious and the passage of it is swift......seems to be faster every day, every year......and we have to choose what we allow to come into the time that exists for us in this life......the precious amount of time we have been given to live a life and love the people in our lives while we can......my Nanna believed that your end date is written as you enter your life......she used to say that to me all the time......"Jenny God has an end date already there for all of us," and maybe she was right.......it certainly has felt that way to me at certain times in my own life that our lives are destined somehow and laid out......so I suppose what I have learned through my life and its challenges is not so much focusing on the end date or the future..........but to focus my energy on the dash in between........and make the most of that beautiful gift........the gift of the dash to make my life the way I want it to be each and every single day as time marches on............
jperuso
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