My ex and I need to have a conversation, a sit down.....about so much......and he hasn't been able to do so for lots of reasons......and last night I had a dream that we did.....and I got to say what I needed to, and explain it, and he heard it....and I heard what he said, and it was effortless......and it was such a detailed dream.....so real feeling.......almost as if it had happened.....but I have very little hope that it will materialize in real life.....I feel as if communication is one of my stronger suits.....both written and when I am speaking.....and again nothing I can take credit for necessarily, it was just placed in my wheelhouse when I was born:).....so I feel comfortable gently trying to communicate with somebody, or clearly doing so....doing my best to not trigger defensive parts of them......or places that would provoke them to react and not respond.....and I spent 20 years in our relationship, and continue to the last nearly 4, trying to communicate simple things.....because they are met through HIS lens....and I do not say that as an insult or an attack.....we all come to the party with our lens.......and sometimes there is no amount of finesse, or gentleness, or ease, that will be able to penetrate it, and get through......because you don't speak the same language with the other person....and while the first part of our marriage was much better, and there were times that communication issues were not at the forefront.....it was always one of the challenges in our marriage.....and it was something that frustrated me endlessly.....because I did not have communication issues elsewhere in my life, only in my home and because I felt I tried so hard to choose my words so carefully..... making and effort to have it be successful......and when the communication went south so quickly, and over such small things, I would feel so hopeless.....and that is how that dream last night made me feel.....it was an idealistic sit down.....with real communication.......and the last time I spoke to him, he spoke disrespectfully to me because I asked him what time he was dropping the kids back off.......so the simplest of things are being filtered through his lens and whatever is going on with him at the moment.....and the influences in his life......so the likelihood of us sitting down and having a conversation about all we need to doesn't seem promising.......and I have written of these dreams I have had before.....and I think it is my subconscious making sense of it all......sorting through it.....and they help......and I suppose that hope is important, no matter what.......and I will never give up on the fact, that a miracle could happen, because I believe in those too:) And that one day................who knows
jperuso
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