I have become patient with the process in these last 5 years.....knowing so clearly now that pushing against resistance is futile......in every way.....and just leaning in, and trusting is better......SURRENDERING on repeat.....and when suffering arrives, I know I am hanging on too tightly to outcomes, and need to loosen my grip.....focusing on my own actions.....my own journey, all of it......sometimes it feels easier than other times.....but it is always worth it.....so thi

As I have journeyed I have not identified with a "broken" person.....not a victim....and that is still true as I sit here this morning, and articulate what is on my heart as I sip my coffee.......and my journey will forever be about healing, and evolution, and alchemizing each and every wound on repeat.....and fiercely protecting my peace and joy.....However........having said all of that.....I think the weight of all I have carried in this life just caught up some to me?? L

My daughter and I are CLOSE......when I had another baby, and she arrived, I could not imagine at the time being as close to anybody as I was to my boy....my boy and I having climbed mountains together.....both medically and otherwise......and then there she was.....and she was a deliciously delightful baby.....and toddler, and we were head over heels.....and then her dad left......when she was 4........ and up until that point she and I were super close, but she was definite

February is here......it is touted as being a legendary month in this year's calendar energetically.....we shall see;-).....but for me, I was grateful to welcome it......January was another intense one.....and so here I am.....and the end of this week holds some question marks....it may end for me in a dating event AND a Gala:)......I am following the signs.....the dating event seems like my door for sure, and I look forward to checking it out:) Word is there are a lot of men

Yesterday I hit a wall.....the weight of carrying all I have been feeling too big....and the weight of the sadness, and the division in the world sitting on my heart......I headed to church with my kids to help ease it.....and it did some....the sermon always right on time.......but I was just SO deeply affected yesterday.....my heart just not having the capacity to hold so much of what has been going on as of late, in every direction.....wondering why people being kind is so

I have known in a deep way that my life, myself, my path is different than so many people I know......never getting the standard package.....whatever that meant to me as a kid....and maybe now as a grown woman, the soccer mom package lol:) That has not been my lot....and I do not mock that path, at all, that isn't what the lol is.....it is just an awareness that that has not been my experience in the world.....my life has been tough, and maybe saying that and acknowledging it

This week has been exhausting.....in all the ways.....school being on an off schedule, the weather being oppressive, my having an annoying and cruddy little cold, and my needing to face things that needed to get solved despite that being wildly uncomfortable.....and I will never understand some of what I experience in my journey, but I believe so fully, that if you are showing up from a good place.....speaking your heart in the places where you need to, with dignity and grac

Yesterday was such a challenging day, the energy everywhere, was YIKES......and my morning began in the most unfortunate way.....I was supposed to receive an oil delivery the prior day that never came....and when asked about it, they said it would be coming yesterday morning, also asking if a path had been cleared for the delivery guy??? Now here is the thing.....I am a COMPLETE rule follower.....and IF that had been shared beforehand, I would have used my snow blower to blow

Awhile back the story of my life carried me to the city of New Orleans twice......and it occurred to me recently, that I had never written about the city. Not sharing, what felt like important, and surprising pieces of my visits there....so here we go:) The first piece of those trips was the understanding, that on the other side of them, that it had been so long since I had traveled.....like so long, and I mean more than the adventures I have with my kids....we have plenty of

This time of year arrives every year, and especially for me in the last 5 years with extra challenges.....and I am certainly not alone.....the world is feeling the winter crunch.....prices through the roof, and heating season upon us all......and well this winter has proved to be EXTRA indeed......somebody sharing with me yesterday that this entire month will find us in single digits at night, and bitter cold days.....and the irony is that winter calls us to hunker down.....t

For now:) I really wanted to do a little pop up Galentine's event for mothers and daughters.....a prelude, if you will, to my future empowerment movement, and workshops that I am in the beginning stages of hatching as I type this:) And I was excited, and the idea spoke to me....and I had seen the community center, down behind JEM in town, and thought that might be a good place to start....and I met with a woman on Saturday to check it out, and see the space.....she was a love

I am sipping my coffee this morning.......I took down the plastic I had on my french door, it had been obstructing my view, but I felt it prudent in case we lost power.....Planning to put a blanket over it to keep the heat in this room as I made a fire, if the need appeared.......I gathered tons of wood....dragging my wheelbarrow through the snow, which wasn't easy, and then loaded the kid's sleds with some too.....and not all that long ago, about 5 years now, this storm woul

19 years ago I became a mama to the best boy.....truly.....up until the day he was born my pregnancy was wrought with stress and anxiety.....having learned earlier on that something was wrong......he was growing behind schedule.....when they measured him in utero, he lagged behind weeks......something called Intrauterine Growth Restriction......a term I obsessively researched......coming up empty as to why I had it.....so many of the hallmarks of WHY it happens, did not live

I celebrated this year, boldly....and proudly, not making apologies for celebrating my 5 year mark on my own.....and it is a cause for celebration for so many reasons, of that there is no question.....I have fully acclimated to being on my own.....adapting......I often liken it to going from a domesticated cat to a feral one.....and there is certainly a place in me that feels a bit feral these days ;-) And it suits me, I embrace my wild.....because an independent spirit has l

So I started doing my Saturday video a couple years back down the road....it was an inclination that I believe was divinely placed like the rest.....a call to my heart to help people get to know me better, and get my feet wet with public speaking, and release a weekly message, similarly to how my blog finds me.....and I came across one of my earliest videos the other day.....and my ability to deliver my message effectively has certainly evolved.....the art of "practicing" any

"A person who acts unwisely or imprudently, a silly person.".....That is the definition of fool.....And I have spent some time in recent months uncovering my patterns, and missteps in love if you will......and I think one piece of it that is tough, is the part where I was made again to look like a fool.....perhaps even lessening my credibility in the world, and in other's eyes....when I spend a great deal of time being a credible human......being the person people can trust a

I recently discovered that I have a full week off for spring break in March! A rare thing, normally we have Thursday, Friday, and Monday off.....and since I never look too far ahead it was a happy surprise;-) I am a planner, but not a planner if that makes sense lol:) I try and focus on today.....it was a coping mechanism that saved me at certain points....telling myself I can do all things in TODAY, and well it turns out that is true:) However discovering that a beautiful we

I am finding as my healing journey is expanding into the next layer of healing I am touching from this past year, that there is an important piece of acknowledging what has happened.....I have a tendency to sometimes gloss over the tougher stuff, or wince when I try and tell myself the entire truth about what has happened.....giving a pass in my mind some to the person, so that maybe in turn I give one to myself? Does that make sense? It is also because I seek to see the best

I wrote about feeling kinda in a slump.......marathon fatigue if you will......this weekend has felt like exactly what I needed to step over it.....I have a renewed sense of clarity, and energy to push through to where I need to go, and my vision is crystal clear......and that feels good....it was like once I gave a voice to it, it vanished......I also exercised, and did chores, but gave my body some rest....I decided my driveway could wait, until it was fully over.....so I w

I wrote about a local speed dating event yesterday.....not fully sold on my willingness to take advantage of the opportunity....despite my asking for dating events in this new year;-) But the local one is at a bar.....and has the speed dating part of it....the games etc.....which really might be fun, I am not judging something I know nothing about, but I was definitely on the fence.....and then yesterday, a new coach friend that I recently connected with, posted an event in N