When you spend a portion of your life in chaos or conflict that FEELS normal....and when it crops up it doesn't set off alarm bells, because it is what you are used to.....but when you finally reside in peace and calm.....creating a place where your nervous system can finally rest, you become particularly sensitive to chaos.....and what once was attractive is no longer....As I have been healing, and taking the time to do the work of healing, which by the way is SO much.....li

There is a list of folks in this life that have betrayed or wronged me pretty significantly....in different ways, and for different reasons, reasons I may never fully understand.....and there is a camp of folks that think I should still hold that fire and venom for them.....and that sort of thing doesn't live within me.....it just doesn't......no vengeance, no payback, no retribution.....just a walk on, and not giving access to my peace any longer....and I am getting better a

I had the most amazing weekend, creating coziness, and warmth for my kids and I....and for our guests this holiday season:) And part of it was to sort of balance the feeling of disgust that has been bubbling up as of late......it is a heavy emotion, and unpleasant, but I think very necessary all things considered....I am not dwelling in that place, but I am acknowledging the FEELING of it.....the way it feels to finally fully understand the places where I gave my power away..

I mentioned that I was going all in on decorating for Christmas yesterday, and my daughter and I did a ton, but there is still a lot to do today........ We have a tree in every room so;-) And we added our kitchen trees to the mix this year! I was lucky to already have a tree that was given to me ages ago, that is super tall and finally has a home amid the high ceilings.....and is PERFECT! I picked up two little trees to go up above in my kitchen.....I spent more than I wanted

You know the Shania Twain song, when she says "Let's go Girls!" and people joke about it making them want to kick doors down.....well that is sorta where I am right now lol:) I am planning on going into 2026 like I kicked the door down to get there.....Feeling so much fiery energy to propel me into all of it! I want to up my fitness again, and have been researching the way, I have some house goals, and more goals for travel with my kids and I, and my women's empowerment stuf

Morning:)........I consider myself to be reformed......a reformed people pleaser, and control freak......having the weight of others spinning in my orbit, and trying to control every piece of my life.....thinking that somehow if I did that, everything was going to be alright....and as I type that, it occurs to me that the divine showed up, so many times to break that open....to show me so fully that I am not in control of so much of my life, despite feeling otherwise...and to

Dear Me, This apology is long overdue......I think of us often back down the road, and feel like going back there and wrapping my arms around you.....because that is what you needed....from somebody....and at the time in your marriage.....but there was no comfort to be found. Just conflict, struggle, strife, and eventual devastation.....and I know you didn't want to be the one responsible for the downfall of your family......so you stayed, and fought, even when that vo

I have written about my deep disdain for the current dating structure....it is made for people that want to hook up, and have casual encounters, and do that on repeat.....that is NOT me....and the entire system lacks the part where people connect, and that is IN person.....so recently a co worker's husband has a fella at work, one she can vouch for, that I may go on a blind date with soon, she said he is a great guy, so I am in the investigation phase currently lol:)......and

Anytime I see the term "coparent" I marvel at what that would be like....And maybe as this Mercury Retrograde is taking hold this month, it will take me on an Odyssey of the past....that is part of its energy.....so if you find yourself drifting to the past, you are not crazy lol:) And perhaps there is something back there you need to look at again...and that vibe certainly feels like it is in the air....I spend a lot of time focusing on my goals, and my own lane.....not look

Loyalty is a wound inside of me.......the lack of it that I have experienced in this life....and realizing that loyalty.....the REAL kind is perhaps one of the rarest things....and it is something I do my best to embody as often as I am able.....I am everybody's secret keeper.....the one they go to when they don't want their business spread around....knowing that their secret is safe with me.....I am the one that shows up as often as I can for my friends and family...supporti

The older I get the more important it is for me to be right where I belong......and with the people that I belong around......and as I travel I am shown where that is.....and I trust the unfolding completely.....knowing I am led to those people now, and grateful for the people who have stayed in my orbit after my divorce.....the ones that could not only withstand but also embrace the evolution of my spirit.....and I am currently sitting in a lake house typing this.....about t

In the wake of my divorce the grief of losing my family of four nearly swallowed me whole....like ALL consuming, and hurt like hell......because all I wanted my whole life was to have a family......that was it......the only thing that I put on my radar as a MUST, the rest was all gravy.....and when I had achieved that.....a husband, a son, a daughter.....well what else is there....and so to watch it be destroyed was excruciating.....however there was a plan:) One beyond my vi

So I have come to believe we all carry themes of our own.....like walking, literary works of art, each housing our novels, and stories in the depths of our souls......and as we travel those themes in our stories are shown as the plot reaches a fever pitch......and mine has been surrounding self worth as it comes to romantic love.....or maybe that is one of the major themes, there are always others;-) But that one is ever present......spinning round and round.....and in this l

I have written a few entries with this title in the last 5 years.....and it is because it continues to circle around.....and maybe it was that big beautiful moon that brought it to my doorstep.....But it was intense and deep yesterday.....just feeling it all again.....the weight of the betrayals that have been laid on my lap, by some of my favorite humans.......not strangers doing horrid things......but people I loved so deeply, and thought loved me the same.....people I trus

I wrote this week about stepping out of my comfort zone, and running two workshops for fellow teachers....and it is one thing to do it for people who sign up to hear you, or pay to hear you, but it is another to do it for people that are going to an in-service that they wish they had opted out of lol:) And they all teach so........YIKES lol:) But the day was magic, I was RIGHT where I was supposed to be in each moment......The keynote speaker had a story similar to mine.....b

When the fallout of the lying that was happening in my life broke free, I got to see the depth of what is possible.....the ability to fool, and actively deceive another human.....one that wanted to believe in a person so desperately.....and I have seen it play out other times too.....but today's blog isn't about those lies......it is about all the lying I have done to myself.....Just endless at certain points......making excuses, or telling myself something, while my gut was

My favorite season is the holiday season.....and this year in January will be the 5th anniversary of his leaving, and the beginning of my NEW life........And up until now the holiday season had a cloud hanging over it some.....because it was also the time of year I uncovered his infidelity, more than once.....so the body keeps score, and remembers.....and quite honestly, since Covid the holidays have felt strange.....and then last year I had my kitchen torn up....being able t

As I spin in this new era, and have the clarity come and find me over and over again....and in ways it hasn't before, I see my role in the things that have happened to me.....I allowed it....simple.....and the excuse I could make, which is true.....is that I believe in grace and second chances,,,...still true.....but that doesn't excuse my allowing some of what happen to me happen.......and unfortunately there is a group of people that take advantage of that......not seeing i

So what you focus on grows, that is some truth I have discovered for sure, and also what you choose to focus on changes the way your life FEELS......yesterday I blissed out, and ran around all day dressed as JOY from "Inside Out," feeling that so deeply....having that feel like ME......and then we went trick or treating last night, and it ended up being a beautiful night in town.....I was not all that excited to go, but the magic of it got a hold of me.....and it was beautifu

Today we are doing "Inside Out" for Halloween......and one of my work besties asked me to be JOY, and I am excited.....I love that movie so much......it touches my heart so deeply.....makes me cry every time.......but this morning it feels like life imitating art......I wonder sometimes about the impressions people had about me in my other life......or at different chapters in my story.....I have heard my attitude of gratitude be mentioned.....that has been with me for a long