19 years ago I became a mama to the best boy.....truly.....up until the day he was born my pregnancy was wrought with stress and anxiety.....having learned earlier on that something was wrong......he was growing behind schedule.....when they measured him in utero, he lagged behind weeks......something called Intrauterine Growth Restriction......a term I obsessively researched......coming up empty as to why I had it.....so many of the hallmarks of WHY it happens, did not live

I celebrated this year, boldly....and proudly, not making apologies for celebrating my 5 year mark on my own.....and it is a cause for celebration for so many reasons, of that there is no question.....I have fully acclimated to being on my own.....adapting......I often liken it to going from a domesticated cat to a feral one.....and there is certainly a place in me that feels a bit feral these days ;-) And it suits me, I embrace my wild.....because an independent spirit has l

So I started doing my Saturday video a couple years back down the road....it was an inclination that I believe was divinely placed like the rest.....a call to my heart to help people get to know me better, and get my feet wet with public speaking, and release a weekly message, similarly to how my blog finds me.....and I came across one of my earliest videos the other day.....and my ability to deliver my message effectively has certainly evolved.....the art of "practicing" any

"A person who acts unwisely or imprudently, a silly person.".....That is the definition of fool.....And I have spent some time in recent months uncovering my patterns, and missteps in love if you will......and I think one piece of it that is tough, is the part where I was made again to look like a fool.....perhaps even lessening my credibility in the world, and in other's eyes....when I spend a great deal of time being a credible human......being the person people can trust a

I recently discovered that I have a full week off for spring break in March! A rare thing, normally we have Thursday, Friday, and Monday off.....and since I never look too far ahead it was a happy surprise;-) I am a planner, but not a planner if that makes sense lol:) I try and focus on today.....it was a coping mechanism that saved me at certain points....telling myself I can do all things in TODAY, and well it turns out that is true:) However discovering that a beautiful we

I am finding as my healing journey is expanding into the next layer of healing I am touching from this past year, that there is an important piece of acknowledging what has happened.....I have a tendency to sometimes gloss over the tougher stuff, or wince when I try and tell myself the entire truth about what has happened.....giving a pass in my mind some to the person, so that maybe in turn I give one to myself? Does that make sense? It is also because I seek to see the best

I wrote about feeling kinda in a slump.......marathon fatigue if you will......this weekend has felt like exactly what I needed to step over it.....I have a renewed sense of clarity, and energy to push through to where I need to go, and my vision is crystal clear......and that feels good....it was like once I gave a voice to it, it vanished......I also exercised, and did chores, but gave my body some rest....I decided my driveway could wait, until it was fully over.....so I w

I wrote about a local speed dating event yesterday.....not fully sold on my willingness to take advantage of the opportunity....despite my asking for dating events in this new year;-) But the local one is at a bar.....and has the speed dating part of it....the games etc.....which really might be fun, I am not judging something I know nothing about, but I was definitely on the fence.....and then yesterday, a new coach friend that I recently connected with, posted an event in N

I just saw a speed dating event posted......on Valentine's Day......in my own backyard.....and I thought it would be fun to explore my thoughts a little on it;-) So my first reaction was NO.....and to be fair, that is not coming from a greatly informed place.....and has been a result of some bleak experiences I have had out, locally.....with the dating pool in general.....but I decided to challenge myself some.....because our mindset, and attitude dictates so much of our expe

I have spent most of my life speaking life into others.....having that thing I have, which I have blogged about before.....the thing that enables me to see the brilliant potential in a person......their highest self if you will.....so damn clearly, that I almost believe it is there when it isn't....and as I have also said, I love that quality in me.....it is what serves both of my careers well, as a teacher and coach.....but I am in a battle fatigue part of my journey the las

Having been betrayed deeply in my intimate relationships has allowed for growth and lessons, ones I use this platform and my business to share......in the hopes that it frees another person....sooner than later.....And maybe it will, and in some cases I have confirmation it already has.....I have written about the psychological warfare I endured at the end of my marriage, and in the aftermath.....needing to strengthen my mind and spirit to endure it all without losing my mind

Being vulnerable comes with a price.....when you allow yourself to "show" yourself fully to the people in your life.......and if they end up not remaining in your life, you pay the price of feeling them carrying a part of you with them.....maybe one you didn't want them to.....or one they don't deserve, or one you regret sharing with them.......or........and I have felt that a few times.....in both relationships, and friendships.....wishing I was wired to play it closer to th

Our conscience is our compass in this world.....leading us to do the things we should be doing and steer us away from the things we shouldn't.......right??? Some people having a stronger one than others....... When I was a kid mine was so so strong, causing me anxiety often if I did a small kid transgression, feeling as if I had to tell on myself immediately to quell the angst that followed it. Feeling when I veered off track ,and seeking to make it right....and see that is t

Breadcrumbs often have a negative connotation.....being the coined phrase people use to describe somebody that doesn't commit.....and strings somebody along.....but those are not the breadcrumbs I am referring to today! I am talking about the ones that lead us to where we need to be in this life......and that is what this weekend was about for me.....in a real sense.....just confirming that every moment is crucial.....and so important if we listen.....there were some things t

I have gone to therapy at certain points in my journey....the first time was in my 20s when anxiety came, and touched down in my experience, finding me with its strength and might, and turning my life completely upside down.....and therapy was the way....I had a therapist named Elliot....an older Jewish man that I liked very much.......he helped me find my way past that, by showing me the power found in Cognitive Behavior Therapy......the power to reframe, and in turn reclaim

That recent date I went on, made me think some, just about the "rules and norms" on modern dating, and middle aged dating in particular.....when you are young, and meeting people, or dating, or any of it, it just makes sense......I knew what to do, perhaps having youth on my side;-) However I find middle aged dating to be something entirely different.....and there was a moment that happened on the date I recently had, that made me wonder what it was I was feeling.....and I th

We all have elusive places in our lives.....or maybe not....perhaps there are people out there that have it ALL;-) whatever that means;-)......what does that mean anyway???....to have it all....sometimes I feel that way.....no lack creeping in.....I am blessed to live in a beautiful home, I have a healthy and sound body, mind, and spirit, I have healthy children, I make enough to make a nice life for us, we have full bellies:)......and I am happy and peaceful.....:) But I ha

In sharing my "anniversary" post yesterday, I realize it may may be questioned by some.....like why after all these years keep mentioning it?.....That is a valid question....and well there are so many things that come to mind to answer that question.....first the clarification of my not being stuck in the place of my divorce.....I am not....I never want anybody to think that even for a second, that THIS whole thing defines my life, in a real sense, THIS journey has unfolded t

Today IS the day.....the day that my heart has felt for a couple of months now....cathartic spaces circling round, as I walked my way here. The body keeps score.....no doubt....and my body always feels this day as it circles round each year....but not as you would think........Having it be the most profound event in all of my life......or perhaps the most pivotal, it always comes packing something for me....and this year it is a summit point.....I have talked about having loo

A few months before I found out I was pregnant with a girl, I longed for a daughter......a longing that took me quite by surprise and one that was so strong....and if I had tried to order a daughter......outlining all the specs and characteristics.....I would have fallen short of creating all the pieces of who she is....she is an extraordinary person....I know I am bias;-) but many other people have echoed that sentiment, and much of it to do with just who she is....and how s